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(Brad Dickson's column is found on the World Herald, here: Breaking Brad)


 Apr 25, 2012

Month in Review

After Obama campaign strategist Axelrod sought to criticize Romney for transporting a dog in a crate by tweeting a photo of the President in a car with the dog Bo and the line "How loving dog owners transport their dogs," it has been well publicized that Obama ate dogs.

A Romney campaign spokesman then had fun with the photo, replying with the following tweet:



Twitter and the blogosphere went hot with jokes and comments about Obama and dogs. Here's a couple examples:

Following are some sample comments from an ABC News story on the event:


Brad Dickson

Apr 24, 2012:

"Secret Service agents allegedly brought prostitutes back to their five-star hotel in Cartagena, Colombia. Five-star hotel? I thought this country was $15 trillion in debt? Isn't there a Cartagena Super 8?"

"President Obama said he will be "angry" if the allegations turn out to be true. There is zero truth to the rumor that Bill Clinton has offered to lead a fact-finding mission to Cartagena to get to the bottom of it."

"Newt Gingrich tried to cash a check on a checking account that had no money in it. That doesn't exactly instill confidence in the American people, when your president's photo is over a cash register on the list of people Walmart won't take a check from."

"Gingrich is attempting to be our first deadbeat president."

"The Sarpy County Board approved the building of a $2.3 million pet resort, which will be 12,000 square feet and feature skylights, an air filtering system, three indoor play areas, two grooming salons, televisions and a retail strip mall. I believe this will make the NU basketball practice facility only the second most impressive new structure in the state."

"The resort is targeted at pets and College World Series fans who don't book their trips until the last minute."

"The Augusta National Golf Club is close to accepting its first female member. Apparently, a few weeks ago when we moved the clocks forward one hour, Augusta moved its clocks ahead all the way to 1961."

"Chicago White Sox pitcher Phil Humber threw a perfect game. People in Chicago were so thrilled when they heard that for a split second a few considered switching over from the Cubs game, then thought better of it."

"A Kansas City Royals pitcher threw a perfect game. Unfortunately, it was during batting practice."


 Apr 17, 2012

Brad Dickson

Apr 16, 2012:

"In addition to secret service agents allegedly procuring prostitutes at the Summit of the Americas in Cartagena, Colombia, Hillary Rodham Clinton was spotted drinking a bottle of beer in a bar whose slogan is "The Perfect Place To Shake Your Rump." This is beginning to sound like "Jersey Shore: Washington D.C. Edition." "

"The Tea Party has just introduced a controversial proposal to move Tax Day to February 29 so we only have to pay every four years."

"At a zoo in Scotland, jealous penguins are reportedly "pooping" on people viewing the panda exhibit. You know, about 10 years ago I said I have no interest in ever visiting another zoo. I just changed my mind."

"The San Diego Zoo set up a "date" between two endangered panda bears, but so far no luck. Can you blame the poor pandas? I think if humans would be forced to mate in open-air enclosures while strangers tossed peanuts over the fence, the birth rate would plummet."

"A woman in Delta, Colo. claims she found a maggot in her Wendy's french fries. In a sign of the times, she's just relieved there wasn't any gluten."

Apr 17, 2012:

"I am stunned that the Senate voted down the "Buffett Rule." What a shock that a group of wealthy American senators voted down a bill to raise taxes on wealthy Americans."

"If the "Buffett Rule" passed, next year the 1040 form would mean that for every 50 bucks in income, the wealthy keep $10 and the government gets $40."

"Tuesday Donald Trump is hosting a birthday party for Ann Romney at the Trump Tower. Whatever you do, don't let Trump near the cake. Last time he blew out birthday candles, all the hot air set the building across the street on fire."

"To avoid the appearance of a privileged life, the Trumps and Romneys flew in a slightly lower grade of caviar from Monte Carlo."

"Many Republican leaders around the country were invited to sign Mrs. Romney's birthday message. Oh, this is embarrassing - through force of habit, Gov. Dave Heineman vetoed the card."

"The Obama team has created dozens of new jobs. Unfortunately, two-thirds of the new jobs are for Colombian prostitutes."

"For their alleged involvement in a prostitution scandal in Colombia, 11 members of the Secret Service detail have been placed on paid leave. They were involved with prostitutes, and now they get paid for doing no work. It must feel like being elected to Congress."

"Obama is livid. Not so much that they allegedly paid for prostitutes, but that $200 could have gone to his re-election campaign."

"Scientists at Cal Tech have identified the smallest number ever. It's the amount of charitable contributions listed on Joe Biden's tax return."

"On Tuesday, President Obama called on Congress to lower gas prices. With the speed and efficiency of Congress, a move like this could potentially affect the 2024 presidential election."

"Ann Romney celebrated her birthday Tuesday with family. Actually, this was nothing new - the Romneys always have something to celebrate on tax day."

"Donald Trump hosted a birthday fundraiser for Ann Romney. Next, Trump is moving on to fundraisers for others in need: the Vanderbilts and the Gettys."

"Canada is getting rid of its penny. Imagine if the U.S. got rid of the penny. How would Mitt Romney pay his taxes?"

"Dee Snider was eliminated from "Celebrity Apprentice." You have to feel for Donald Trump. One day he's in contention to be leader of the free world, and the next he's telling the guy from Twisted Sister "You're fired.""


 Apr 13, 2012

Apr 12, 2012:

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno

"The Obama administration is trying to distance itself from remarks made by long-time Democratic adviser Hilary Rosen. She said that Mitt Romney's wife, Ann, a stay-at-home mother of five who has cancer, has never worked a day in her life. The ironic part — because of that idiotic statement, she may never work another day in her life."

"Let me tell you something — if you're the mother of five boys, you never had a day off in your life, OK?"

"And now, even vice president Joe Biden is furious. He said, "Making stupid comments that hurt the president, that's my job. She has no right." "

"Rick Santorum has suspended his presidential campaign. He dropped out after spending a weekend in prayer, and then realizing he didn't have one, he dropped out."

Conan

"Today Newt Gingrich is blaming the failure of his presidential campaign on Fox News. Newt's also blaming the failure of his diet on Cinnabon."

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

"Yesterday Newt Gingrich gave a campaign speech at a senior center, scheduled between a Jazzercise class and a Bingo game. That’s when you know you’re in trouble – when your campaign speech is the least exciting thing happening at a senior center."

"Gingrich spoke to seniors, right before the Bingo game — which was awkward, because one of the Bingo players turned out to be Ron Paul."

"Happy birthday to David Letterman, who turned 65 years old today. I don't want to say he's getting old, but today, he read the Top Ten reasons to get off his lawn."


 Apr 6, 2012

Brad Dickson

"I'm sad to report that the Easter bunny won't be completing his rounds this year. I won't go into detail, but it involves the Douglas County Courthouse and a glue trap."

"The Newt Gingrich think tank has filed for bankruptcy. A couple of weeks ago when Gingrich said he was about to start a new chapter, I didn't realize it was chapter 11."

"President Obama is hosting the White House Easter Egg Roll. It's a little different this year: Obama is implementing a mandatory $10 per egg tax on kids from families earning more than $250,000 per year."

"To really fool the kids at Easter egg hunts, the eggs should be hidden someplace they'll never look: hollowed-out math textbooks."